Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
