just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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