capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize