Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
