remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
