you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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