oh god the rape fog is back!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
