dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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