i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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