i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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