Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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