i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
