That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
