Welp...herpes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
