I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
