My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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