I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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