Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to rekindle our bromance
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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