How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
