Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
