I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
