Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
