Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
