I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
