Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
