he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize