I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's blow job season.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
