Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
