Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
