Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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