Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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