I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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