I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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