you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
