He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
