1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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