Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
