i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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