"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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