you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
