i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
