When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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