just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize