U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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