You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
