I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
