oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
