Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
