I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
