normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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