woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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