you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
