you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
