my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
