how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
