wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize