im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
