I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize