Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
