babies were throwing up all over the place
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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