My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
