i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
