the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
