some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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