Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
