if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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