Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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