I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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