I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
